Thursday, November 13, 2008

Frank admission

I was having a conversation on the phone with Daddy tonight. He was explaining to me why it was that he was sat in McDonald's when he should have been on the way home.

My attention was diverted somewhere in the middle of the explanation however, so when he got to the end of it I said,

"Sorry Daddy, I didn't quite catch that. I was just biting my finger nails."

Friday, November 07, 2008

Multi-purpose people

"What's the name for people who aren't Jews?" Daddy asked me during bible reading this morning.

"Gentiles", I answered. And then added, "it sounds like they can put themselves on roofs!"

Saturday, October 18, 2008

At the Autumn Show


Music Critic

I was listening to a CD of Bavarian music the other day. One of the tracks had some men yodeling (you know, "High on the hill stood a lonely goatherd,  Lay-ee-odl-lay-ee-odl-lay-hee-hoo", and all that business).

"Those men sound like they're turning into girls whilst they're singing!" I remarked to Mummy.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Where do I come from?

I was looking at my tongue in the mirror the other day, as you do.

"It's rather large, but quite nice", I remarked to Mummy.

"Did you have to pay a lot of money for that tongue?" Mummy asked.

"No! It came free with the rest of me".

"Oh, that's funny", Mummy continued, "I had to pay a lot of money for my tongue."

Silence for a moment as I studied Mummy's face carefully. Yes - a twinkle in the eye; she was joking

"Well actually," I said, considering, "my tongue and my eyes and all the rest of me were free, except for my pink skin which was on special offer in Woolworth's!".

Monday, September 08, 2008

Back to Pre-school

I started Pre-school again the other day. I have a new uniform to wear, and, because I'm now a big girl and staying for lunch, I'm also the proud possessor of a new lunch bag.

Pre-school uniform

Don't I look grown up?

A new girl started today. I thought at first she might be a baby, because she had a dummy. But she wasn't - perhaps she just liked the taste. Her name is Angel. I kept watching her to see if she would fly. It's a good job that she didn't because I don't think my teacher would have been very pleased: she might have knocked the things off the walls.

I told Mummy when we got home that I quite liked pre-school but that it was a bit boring. All we did was play - we didn't do any reading or writing!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Biblical Baking

I was baking bread with Mummy the other day. The flour was already in the bowl. Then we added butter and yeast (we didn't have salt - Daddy hasn't been paying her her salary!).

"But we haven't put any soil in it", I reminded Mummy.

"Soil?", puzzled Mummy, "Oh, do you mean oil?"

"Yes. In the bible they didn't put any of these things in" - pointing at the butter tub and the yeast packet - "just flour and oil."

You can find that recipe in 1 Kings 17:12 if you want to try it at home.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Two mees


A picture with two of me in it; one of me created by me, and the other me created by Mummy and Daddy. Notice in particular the i-brows.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Shopping fatigue

We went shopping with some friends yesterday. Very nice friends - they took us to Pizza Hut. Shopping is not one of my favourite things, and as we traipsed in and out of one boutique after another I began to feel rather weary.

Finally I crouched down in the corner of one shop, exhausted. My friend came over to me.

"Are you poorly, Sophie", she asked, concerned.

"No. My feet have run out of petrol", I replied.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Back from foreign parts

A few weeks ago I had my summer holiday. Two weeks in Belgium. As you can see from the pictures above and below I had a great time. One of the highlights of our first week was a trip to Plopsaland (that name caused some amusement, I can assure you. It wasn't my fault - Mummy started it). The old favourites were my favourites. Here's me at the top of a climbing frame:

And here I am, amused at life in a (floating) teacup:

They saved the best till last (and it was a good job, because I only had one change of clothes). Magic fountains. They kept going on and off, up and down. Once, I miscalulated, and stood over a fountain just as it was on the up - up into my underwear!
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Friday, June 27, 2008


"Mummy, I'm not as tall as you...
... but I am as tall as myself!"

Monday, June 23, 2008

Toddler mum?

A new cousin joined the family the other day (a cousin of some degree, and some number of places removed - I can never work these things out with my large family).

I was looking at his first photo with Mummy when she said,

"Do you think you'd like one of those?"

I gave it a few seconds consideration, and then asked

"Would it cry?"

"I expect so," Mummy said. "All babies cry."

I didn't like the sound of that. It upsets me to hear other babies being upset.

"I think it would be a better idea", I said, "if it did crying in tears, not noises. Just tears, " I repeated, to make my point clear. I was thinking of the new baby that I won at a Fete the other day by guessing its birthday. It sets an example that I think all babies everywhere should follow, by demonstrating its feeling just with watering eyes, and not with all that unnecessary howling.

Later on I had another thought, and told Mummy to put an end to the matter.

"Mummy, I can't have a baby until I get married."

Saturday, June 21, 2008


I was just coming to an important part of the story that I was telling to my spellbound dollies as Mummy walked into the room. I ignored her and carried on.

After a suitable pause. "End of Side one", I announced.

I've no idea why Mummy laughed. That's what they always say on the stories I listen to in the car, just as they're getting to the good bit.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Intoxicating aqua

We'd just got back from a long hot trip, and I stood watching daddy have a long cold drink next to the sink.

He downed one glass of squash, and I watched tolerantly as he gulped down a second. But as he started on a third glass, this of water, I became concerned.

"Don't drink all that, Daddy", I said, worriedly, "you'll get drunk!"

Saturday, May 03, 2008

To what shall I compare thee?

I was stood in the bathroom with Mummy as she dried herself after a shower the other morning.

"Mummy", I piped up, "your hair is like a cow's udder".

Mummy looked up at me, puzzled.

"Why?", she asked, as she grabbed a pony-tail of her hair, and gave it a twist.

"Because when you squeeze your hair, water comes out; and when you squeeze a cow's udder, milk comes out."

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Eye Spy

On our way to Tumble Tots every Tuesday we walk along a pretty path through the fields. Today, to pass the time, I launched a game of "I Spy" with Mummy.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with E", I said.

Mummy looked all around, and then, "I can't see anything beginning with E".

"It's Elephant", I announced.

"I can't see any elephants", said Mummy

"Mmm ... but it begins with E".

Time for something easier. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with G".

"Grass", said Mummy, straight away.

"Well done!", I said, to encourage her - she had been quick. "It does begin with G. But its not that. It could be Goat. That begins with G. But there aren't any goats."

Mummy tried again. "Gate, then", she said.

"No" I said. I could see she was struggling, though we were walking past the very place I'd spied. I had to tell her. "It's Garden Centre".

Saturday, April 12, 2008

My special day 2008

That's your hint. Guess whose special day it was last week? And for bonus points, deduce how old I am now. A very big girl as you can see.

I was overwhelmed with the many tokens of appreciation. They came flooding in. I kept telling people: "Thank you very much. That's all I ever wanted!"

Mummy arranged a very nice birthday party for me and a handful (if you have big hands) of my closest friends. I had decided several days in advance that I wanted a butterfly painted on my face at the party, and I wasn't disappointed with the result.

The best thing about my Birthday was that I had not one, not two, but three Birthday cakes (five if you include the ones I was allowed to blow out, but not eat, at the two toddler groups I frequent).

My favourite one was this one that Mummy lovingly handcrafted for me. I'm sure you recognise who it is, even though she is upside down in this picture:

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Got him!

Mummy bangs on the bathroom door.

"Daddy", I say, "There's a mouse in your bedroom".

I hear Daddy, fumbling to get out of the shower. He opens the bathroom door, and pokes his head around, modesty preserved by a towel.

"April Fool!", I laugh.


Original Storyline : Granny (who made me run to the window to look at Hot Air balloon which wasn't there)
Script : Mummy
Custom and Hair Dressing : Mummy
Dumb Daddy : Daddy
Hero Comedienne : Me

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Wedding outfit

I went to a wedding today. It was in a barn! They'd taken all the animals out though, and cleaned it up, and put a nice wooden floor down and carpets. In fact, I should think it was a long time ago that cows and sheep were last allowed in. It was called The Great Tythe Barn.

Mummy got me a nice new dress, and some friends bought me a new pair of shoes. Do you like the outfit?
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Monday, March 10, 2008

Aging visibly

"I'm a big girl now," I said to Granny.

"Oh," said Granny "why's that?"

"I've got a hair on my leg, like big girls have", I replied proudly. "Look!"

Granny dutifully admired it. A few minutes later, Mummy came in. I told her all about it, and asked her if she wanted to see. But to my embarrassment I couldn't find it.

"Would you like a magnifying glass?" Mummy asked, helpfully. I have a suspicion a smile considered passing across her lips, but thought better of it. Together we scrutinised my leg, until finally Mummy put her finger on that all-important sign of my increasing maturity.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Unexpected Pleasure

Mummy and I had a very long cuddle this afternoon.

Mummy said "This is nice: you don't normally let Mummy cuddle you".

I had taken myself rather by surprise. I said "Yes. I can't think why. I'm rather enjoying it!"

Monday, February 25, 2008


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Pigging it

Mummy, my cousin and I wanted something to do the other day. It was my Great Grandad's birthday. What better thing to do than make him a birthday cake. A birthday cake such as he's never had before! I'm sure I don't need to explain the result to you. But my Great Granny did wonder aloud why there were three houses!

(I made the grass and the numbers, by the way)
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Thursday, February 07, 2008


Having been inspired by Pancake day, Mummy and I decided to do more baking today. Here am I kitted out, complete with my "Cook's Wand" to add that magic touch. (In case you're wondering, me made chocolate crispy nest cakes!)
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Pancake Day

Pancake day yesterday. Mummy flipped (the pancakes that is!).
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Monday, February 04, 2008

Personal Trainer

I've decided that the parents have now reached the age when physical training can begin. I've taken on the burden of getting them into shape.

Thus, yesterday afternoon, had you been in the right place at the right time you would have observed Granny and Mummy trudging through a windswept field, me shouting from up ahead

"Come on. This way", leading them on another lap as I show them how exercise should be done.

And yesterday at tea time, Daddy with a big slice of Thornton's Toffee cake on this plate.

"If you eat all that Daddy, you'll be fat like Mr Greedy." Daddy carries on eating. More vivid methods needed. So I shuffle back in my chair, puff out my chest as far as it will go. "You'll have a fat tummy like this", I point.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Musical Mummy

It's a little known fact, that my Mummy played the violin. She played it today in fact. It's been some years since she last got it out of its box: the A-string had snapped and needed to be replaced.

Today the man in the music shop fixed it for her, and she brought it home. I sat down in anticipation as she got it out of its box and began to tune it up. She drew the bow over the strings.

Awwww-eeee-ooooooh. I just managed to stop my hands going to my ears.

"I think it needs new batteries, Mummy" I said helpfully.

But Mummy shook her head. "It doesn't take batteries."

"Perhaps it needs more new strings," I suggested, "or maybe some food would make it feel better!"

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Reading the signs

Car journeys are rather more interesting now that I can see out of the Window. I provide a valuable service to Mummy and Daddy by alerting them to key landmarks as we pass them. It sharpens my sign-reading skills as well.

"Look, Mummy. There's Asda", I might say. Or, "There's a Post Office."

The other day we were driving past some shops and I said "There's a butcher's shop Mummy". Mummy looked at me in surprise.

"How do you know," she asked.

Sometimes these parents do ask dumb questions.

"Because its got meat in", I replied, shutting my mouth before the "duh!" escaped.

Down a peg or two.

Daddy was playing the piano yesterday, and thinking himself rather too good at it.

"Shall I help with you Daddy?", I asked. "I think that's too hard for boys"

Friday, January 04, 2008


A few Christmas pictures at last.

Christmas started early for me this year. At the beginning of December we went on a trip to Lapland - in Kent ("Lapland UK", as I told everybody). Father Christmas took time out from bossing his elves to see me; and I helped out Mrs Christmas in her Gingerbread kitchen.

You'll be glad to know that even with those distractions, he still found time to drop off my presents. Perhaps he had help from my other hero to make his deliverys?

Yes! I had a dressing up box for Christmas. Expect many more characters to appear on your screen in the coming months.
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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Playing with Words

It's not just toys that you can play with: I discovered the other day that words are just as much fun.

Daddy had made me scrambled egg with toast for breakfast. He called me to the table in the dining room, tucked me into my apron (my new Harod's Apron!) and left me to tuck into my food.

But I was feeling a bit lazy that morning, so I called him back to help me.

"Eggward!", I called. Daddy came in looking puzzled.

"Why did you call me Eggward?", he asked.

"Thomas the Tank Engine has a friend called Edward", I said, by way of explanation. And Daddy quickly cottoned on.

"So you called me Eggward, because you wanted me to feed you your egg?". Then, with a twinkle in his eye, Daddy asked "What would you have called me if you wanted me to feed you your bread?"

I chuckled. "Breadward!"